Autumn 1641, Verd
And what happens now? Armed outworlders in Keen, but they didn't look like soldiers. Thugs really, like the scum in the Free Inquisition.
Kandaren shook his head and rode on. In pursuit of sorts, but no rider could ever hope to catch up with outworlder glider wagons. No magic, he was sure of that. The wagons never ceased to function when they passed his staff master, and nothing magical worked close to the black staffs. They were so powerful that staff masters weren't allowed inside the city walls.
Madness! Pillars of the Holy Inquisition and they're never allowed inside the imperial capital. Will never be. He grinned at the irony. We hunt down anyone wielding the forbidden arts and the very city I call home lives and dies with that magic.
He had lied once before to save a life. He could lie to himself to shield the illusion. Belief, there had to be some kind of belief, or he would lose faith and so would his men. They didn't deserve that.
And that belief was what kept him on the paved highway to Roadbreak. Not that they would be able to change anything, not even carry a message, because farwriters were faster even than outworlder gliders. But it would make a difference that the inquisition cared. No matter what happened the people living along the highway had to see men in red and black, because if the Holy Inquisition didn't care then who did?
Ho rode and waved his men to follow him. Waved for them to believe a lie. That they would make a change. One squadron armed with crossbows and sabers.
He sighed as he rested in his saddle. Soon the rhythmical clattering of hooves against white stone lulled him to an uneasy sleep, and he dreamed, and he laughed in his sleep. Maybe they would matter. In a way.
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4 comments:
Oi!
Inspired from today's blog entry about Critting, I feel a need to Crit.
Here we go: "No matter what happened the people living along the highway had to see men in red and black, because if the Holy Inquisition didn't care then who did?"
I would suggest "_THE_ men in red and black" instead of just "men in red and black". The determined form turn them into a proper group, not just a bunch of dudes with red and black patches on their outfits.
Also, I would like to see a comma between "happened" and "the people living". The first time I read it I stumbled, thinking you had forgotten "to" , as in "No matter what happened TO the people living...". Stumbling is never good and it's usually a sign that the text is out of shape somehow. I'm not sure about the grammatical correctness of this suggestion, all I'm saying is that I stumbled while reading the passage.
I'll be back to watch for more snippets of your work. I do hope that Mort, Dworkin's Game Driver and other things we have in common, from back in the MUDding days make an appearance. ;)
Heh :)
Thanks for input.
These aren't really snippet from my work, but your comments are valid nonetheless.
Ok. :)
Are you writing an actual book, or just "practicing" for the main event? I've always (or at least for the last 8 years) considered writing a novel in a fantasy setting, either in English or Swedish (English would be more fun for me, Swedish would make it easier to publish, I believe), but I've never reached the stage when I've actually sat down to write for any longer period of time. It does seem like a lot of fun, but instead I vent my frustration on my newly created blogg instead :)
It's a book.
I'm currently editing an alpha version of the book.
I guess first draft is the better known term for it. As I've seen first drafts in highly varying states of perfection I personally prefer to use alpha version as it refers to the actual state of the work rather than how many iterations it has seen.
The snapshots are visuals I have from the world in which the book is set, and as those images has nothing with the actual story to do I write them down to get them out of my system.
They also help me to get a clearer picture of the world where the story happens.
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